Original Pic : Save the Tiger Fund
(An open letter to umpire Daryl Harper)
Dear Daryl Harper
My sympathies are with you. Not because of the unfortunate circumstances surrounding your exit from international cricket. But mostly because you weren’t born to a feisty north Indian woman called Avtar Kaur. For if she had been your mother instead of Harbhajan Singh’s, you would have never needed the ICC or any organisation in the world to stand by your side. Who knows maybe her slap to your detractors would have overtaken Harbhajan’s as the most talked about slap in cricket folklore.
I really like you. Your stoic expression on the field is what makes me nominate you as the next Bond after Daniel Craig. But what I don’t understand is why you were so hell bent on wasting your time. Surely there are enough bars, babes and barbecues in Australia to keep you grounded at home. Then why did it take you 95 test matches to realise a simple fact. Cricket doesn’t need umpires anymore. Period.
Remember the nice little colourful drinks trolleys of the 90s? The broadcasters decided they weren’t needed anymore because those precious seconds in which a trolley was shown were sold off to one among hundred mobile handset advertisers. Ad revenues buried the drinks trolley spectacle. Umpires will be the next to go.
It is, after all, the next logical step. Do we need umpires for LBW decisions? Nope, we have Hawk Eye. Judging difficult edges? Nah take a break Umpy. The Hot Spot knows better. And if you still insist on making your decision in the middle, the players can always prove how (in)significant you are to the game by using that delightful little tool called the DRS. So you see, in short we have it all covered. You are still welcome to foray into match commentary and analysis if you wish. But I hear they are making a cyborg version of Ravi Shastri..so its’ clear there isn’t much time left before they phase out humans from there too.
What is that you’re asking? If you’re not needed how come ICC has umpires rostered for its future tour programme for the next 10 years? Well…I hate to break it to you Harpie but you know the Fly XYZ airline message that all you umpires sport on your uniforms during matches? That’s why they have you on the cricket ground. They could have probably used a blimp to convey the same commercial message but then you’re in direct sight of the cameras…
No offense mate but at the end of the day its’ all about the money. One day they’ll probably count the last of you..just like they do them tigers. Meanwhile, ask your colleagues to enjoy hunting in pairs on the pitch…can’t guarantee how long this will last.
Cheers
A nostalgic cricket fan
Pic source : iplcricketnews.com
Awesome and sublime!!!
You definitely have a way with words. I hope Daryl read’s this but i guess he is busy with bars, babes and barbecue’s.
Ted.